Fight for treasure

I swore it would never happen to my kids. I wouldn't let it. I was not going to be one of those parents who bought way too many toys for their kids. They would appreciate the toys they had and be grateful for the gifts they got from friends and loved ones.

Yeah, right. My kids have way too much shit. Toys that end up strewn around the house on a daily basis -- played with and then tossed without care for the maid-servant, aka Mommy, to come and clean up later.

So many toys, in fact, that it's all become blah. They fight over other things, more important, more interesting things. This afternoon I had to break up a fight over, and I'm not kidding, toilet paper rolled into a ball.

Nicky discovered by getting this toilet paper wet and scrunching it up and letting it dry made a sort of ball. It's not a fun ball. You can throw it, but not very far. If it hits the ground too hard, it falls apart. It is a toilet-paper ball. However, it must be a hot commodity among two-year-olds, because Laney had to have it.

I came in to break up an all-out screaming, wrestling match between my kids. My oldest had wrestled his sister to the ground and was furiously trying to grab something out of her hand. She was wriggling underneath him, screaming at the top of her lungs, waving her hand desperately to keep him from getting it. It was a hard-fought battle, but in the end, Nicky prevailed. He took possession of the precious object.

He was a benevolent conquerer though. He agreed, after some nagging on my part, to go up and make his sister her very own wet wad of toilet paper just to keep the peace. He came back down with a ball 1/10 the size and even she knew she was being played for a fool. She wouldn't have it. Any girl who knows her worth will accept nothing less than a grape-sized toilet-paper ball.

Toy manufacturers might try to have me believe that kids want peek-a-boo blocks, dolls that pee, and wooden train tracks.

Peek-a-boo blocks, my ass. I know what my kids really want.

It's whatever the other one has.