We had a big living room, not a lot of furniture, and a baby that wouldn't ever let us put him down. Nicky and I spent A LOT of time in that chair. The chair faced the sliding glass doors to the backyard. Much of my time after Nicky came into the house was spent looking out those windows and at the big shady tree we had in back.
Sometimes I resented it. I spend my whole life in this damn chair. Other times, I reminded myself to appreciate it. I will only spend this one small part of my life in this chair. . .and soon it'll be gone.
For whatever reason, a few weeks ago, Nicky couldn't sleep. He asked me to lay down in bed with him, so I did. He began whispering to me about the dreams he had had -- one a scary one in which one of his toys had come to life in the box. I let him talk, knowing that these moments would be fewer and further between, and suddenly it was very much past his bedtime.
"Can we rock in the rocking chair," he asked me quietly when I told him I was to go. I thought about it for a minute. It was already so far past his bedtime, so I figured that a few minutes wouldn't hurt.
The glider sits in the corner of the kids' room loaded down with stuffed animals and other miscellaneous toys and stuff. We never found the right place for the chair in this house -- too many small rooms, too much clutter. Laney and I never quite got the same use out of it.
I took down the stuffed animals and threw them in a heap on the floor and sat down. Nicky crawled into my lap and we rocked in the chair the way we used to do. Sort of. He is much too big to sit comfortably on my lap now. He turned this way and that, curling his feet up, then stretching them out, trying to find a comfy spot and never quite finding it. We rocked for a few minutes anyway and then, content, he went back to bed and fell quickly asleep.
I think it was a little bittersweet for both of us -- that moment Nicky understood that he was just too big for the rocking chair. It was a part of his past -- a part he'd long-since outgrown. We can't have those moments back, even when we want to, even when we try really hard.
There's a tired mommy in the rocking chair and a baby who curled into her just so.
3 comments:
Thats a sweet story. I am visiting my mom and rocked my son last night in the same chair she used to rock me in. I love those moments. But wheres the pixs of you and him on the chair now? lol!
-h
~~sigh~~ I don't know if I am extra hormonal lately or what but that story and the sight of that sweet little baby snuggled on you brought tears to my eyes. I am going thru some of that same stuff with my little guy (who turned 5 in July) and I MISS those sweet baby moments.
Heather, that's so cool! Maybe I'll still have this chair when my kids grow up and they can rock their own children. That is, if I don't get into one of my throw-away frenzies. :)
Andrewsmom, while I would never underestimate the power of hormones -- :P -- I think it's also the age (five), too, that does it. One moment, you can still see their resemblance to the baby you cradled. The next you think you can see what they'll look like all grown up. At five, they are no longer 'yours' -- if they ever were. They are at the threshold of the rest of their lives and school, friends, crushes, first loves, all those things start competing for their attention.
Often I feel so excited for them and all they will experience and then sad for me, too. Nostalgic for the baby days. Even though, in the baby days, I was so completely exhausted from lack of sleep all of the time!!
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