You can't remember the last time you took a shower. You just know it wasn't all that recently, because your hair is greasy and you're starting to smell funny.
Your daughter wears your (clean) granny-sized panties on her head like a baklava. Small panties encourage making babies, thank you very much. Granny pants are for maintaining the status quo.
A friend invites you and the kids out to Chuck E. Cheese and your response is "Sounds like fun! I can't wait!" Sad is the day you realize Chuck E. Cheese is the highlight of your social calendar.
Shaving your legs is on an as-needed basis only. And let's face it, it's not needed as often as it used to be.
Discussion of poop at the dinner table doesn't phase you. In fact, you're the one bringing it up to your husband who is now gagging on HIS food. Men are so weak sometimes.
You've been punched in the boob.*
* Maybe that's just me. Nicky, then two, had crawled into bed with me one morning and I leaned over him to reach something. This was shortly after I'd given birth to Laney and was still breastfeeding. Anyway, I was in pjs and my pendulous, milk-filled breasts dangled over him. (No, not over his face. I wasn't trying to suffocate the kid). His thought, "Oh, look! Punching bags!" Pow! He punched me really hard in the breast. Oh, that hurt!! Damn kids.
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2 comments:
I'm just catching up on the older posts, and OMG, Lauren totally used my boobs as punching bags today. Fortunately, they no longer contain milk, so it was just a little embarrassing since my brother was sitting there watching the scene unfold. I am sitting on the sofa with her facing me on my lap. She looks down at my chest and goes, "booty" and just starts pushing on them with both hands. She must have liked how the squished. Next thing will be learning about personal space and touching limits.
:) Sounds like Lauren's got the makings of a researcher.
Push. Push. "Soft."
Squish. Squish. "Squishy."
"Hmmmmmm. Very interesting."
PUNCH!
"Oh, no! Mommy's face is turning purple! That wasn't supposed to happen!! New experiment!"
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