Brothers and Sisters

Nicky holding Laney shortly after she came home to join our family

I was recently watching a Disney film about two brothers who begin a board game and end up in outer space -- Zathura, for those wondering. It was a fun adventure story filled with robots and scary aliens and eventually brotherly love. What struck me about this movie, though, was how mean the siblings were to each other throughout most of the movie. (The brothers also had a mean older sister.) Of course, it was just a movie.

But it also occurred to me while watching this movie how much I want my kids to be friends, how much I don't want them to be the kids in that movie. It's not that I don't want them to fight, but I want them to like and respect each other, too.

I see them now, and they play so well together. They really are good friends. They sit in bed together and talk about all kinds of things. They play chase and hide-and-seek. She listens with rapt attention while he tells her nonsensical stories of Spiderman and Power Rangers and things he's made up. She adds in her own nonsensical comments every now and then. They get so deeply involved in these conversations. More than anything, though, they genuinely seem to enjoy each other's company.

I hope it will always be like that.

It's not that they don't fight already. Of course, they fight -- especially since Laney likes to pick fights on occasion.

This morning, Laney tells Nicky, "You like blue."

"Wha?" He wasn't paying any attention to her. A big no-no around here.
Laney, "You like blue." She said it innocently enough. He, poor kid, took the bait.

Nicky, "You don't decide which colors I like."

Laney, "You like blue."

Nicky, his irritation mounting, "You don't decide which colors I like."

Laney, "You like blue."

Nicky, "You don't decide! I decide which colors I like. I like black. And red."

Laney, "And blue."

Nicky, helpless with frustration, just repeats, "No! You don't decide which colors I like!"

I intervened gently and luckily it ended easily. This time. Usually, he gets mad and wrestles her to the ground. He is two years her senior and quite a bit bigger than her, not that this phases her. If she can see it coming first, she runs and tries to hide behind me. She is only two. Where'd she learn to press his buttons like that?

Am I delusional to want them to always be friends? I wonder if it's too much to ask that they grow up close.

I thought that movie was a little scary, and not because of the giant meat-eating lizards. It just made me wonder if one day, the only things my kids would say to each other would be nasty ones.

Is there is anything I can do as a parent to prevent that? Is it just luck of the draw and inborn personality that decides if siblings get along? Or can parents do anything to help foster a close relationship between their children?

The kiddos on a hiking trip. Sure-fire way to bring a smile to their lips? Chocolate!